oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
