i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we're making bets on your personal life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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