We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
