as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
