your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
wanna go halves on a baby?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
