You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
