She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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