I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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