I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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