My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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