it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
