I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
