Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
