I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
