For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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