apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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