all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
