I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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