he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
