none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
