I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
