He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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