they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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