So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
