I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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