New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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