I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
