i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
