well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
