so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
