You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
