i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
