You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
