oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
