There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
