That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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