i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
