He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
