i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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