If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
