# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
