well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
