I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
