So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
