ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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