i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
