yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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