this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
