Ketchup is God's man juice
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
