doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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